I know its mad, but if I...

A thing to remember...

random hilarious voice messages of the two of you roaring along with plush tigers

'how does that work?' 'its magic sweety'

'you were meant to turn there!' 'what??' ' I said go straight!' 'I did go straight!' 'No, you veered right!' 'What the hell? In direction speak that is straight!' 'no its not!' 'Yes! It is!' 'No!! It's not!!' 'Hey, do you drive??' 'uhhh...no?' 'SO SHUT UP!!!'

(my favourite things about this are a) we won and b) the last three retorts from my side were double tracked with my best girl ;] )

and also, a random bit of prosetry that I thought of...

'my tongue is covered with the bite marks that spell out all the things I should have said'

love is a lie which means I've been lied to

So here we are.

again.

like the moment before a musician begins to play.
Chopin, Mozart, Beethoven, or Britney?
Who can know but he?
And even he...

like the moment between punch and dead arm,
you know whats coming, and you dread.
dare add hope to this bubbling agony?

like the moment between push and movement
straining, without a shred of doubt that it will work and we will roll right on into a happier piece of future.
but then...

the moment between thunder and lightning.
surreal, the soundless ripping of the sky.
As the very fabric of the sky crackles and wrenches itself into a thousand pieces of melancholy tuesday afternoons, the weave of the sky tears for just a moment, letting through the harsh light of a day unknown to mind or heart, a time unloved, unseen, breaks through. For just that minuscule moment, we wait.

And for a while, there has been flash, but no pain yet.
Truth, but no dawning.

every millisecond drags on for years as we are stuck in this moment.

stuck between 'yes' and 'but'

between lighting and thunder

They're just old men, like on the benches in the park

the wind sighs deeply, as a long awaited love breathing deeply in the night beside you.
and yet, now it rushes and with a feverish whisper it pulls you with it, come, it says come run away with me

the weather's strange, can't tell you anymore

though this desperate gale will drive away the jasmine and the blossoms,
leave us desolate once she has passed.
I simply cannot convince myself to be bothered, for I could never ask her to stop.


My only desire is to sit on the roof and be blown away with her, a sister in madness...

i eat poo :D

and i'ma chase that feeling

the roads i've walked that i shouldn't have.
the place im standing on that i wish i wasn't
the path ahead of me that I'm not ready for.

The person I've been that I wish I haven't.
The person I am that isn't as good as I thought it would be.
The person I need to be, that I don't think I can.

Regret, inferiority, fear.

Mistakes, disappointment, mountains.



I just couldn't be in that room anymore.
I looked right at where we sat, where I sat in your lap.

I remember it was awesome, I had a great time.
Then I remember last year.
I cried I think.

Now this year...

and next?

don't even go there...

sometimes there's no choice but to walk away...

The soothing smell of jasmine mingles with the chirping of new crickets, carried into the room by an intoxicating breeze that comes swirling in from the adventurous north west to ask for a dance as we two lie together, listening to the sounds of summer.

I turn my head to the left and note the time, 0:00.
'Look at that...right in this moment, time is nothing.'
and we lie there, soaked in warmth and contentment, purely existing for that one incredible moment, watching the clock tick over to 0:01, and a new day as we wait for the sunrise.

I am out on my own moving in shadow

I am searching

I am found

I am exhausted

I am lost

I am hearing my name in empty corridors

I am summer rain running wasted down the window

I am afraid

I am answering the phone with the wrong persons name

I am a centurion blogger but I haven't actually said anything

I am a friend

I am an enemy

I am screaming your name down a hung up phone line

I am the factory reject

I am silent believe it or not

I am a Mona Lisa smile

I am having nightmares

I am needy

I am loud

I am paranoid

I am irritable

I am the complaining customer

I am the bitching register bitch

I am an MP3 player running flat

I am

hello..why are all my blogs called hello...

I suppose all my blogs are called hello because I don't usually know what I'm going to say before I say it. I don't think I know even know that I am saying it...

It strikes me as odd that my odd friends think I am odd.
I'd like to point out that i have not been writing cryptically because I didn't want to.
I never claimed I was going to!

I also think that its funny that the most cryptic-est bit in it was 'uncle', its not even significant lol.

I'm not feeling deep and meaningful tonight, sorry to disappoint. Perhaps I shall post previous deep and meaningfuls....

Ah, here is one. Slightly relating to previous prosetry post...
This is from the 31st of May this year...
It was originally written with no spaces in it, but i like muchly spaces, so i will make this a spaced out version lol

Moody

Moody, moody
you’re a bitch. And I’m your bitch…
you make me a bitch
at the very least.
What is wrong with me?
Why I can’t I just go
‘I should not think this way’
and then not think that way anymore?
Why can’t I just go
‘I should not wish her dead’
and then not wish it anymore!
Why does my mind always go
‘but but but…’??
Why am I full of questions that
I don’t know how to ask?
And always being asked questions
I don’t know how to answer.
I can’t ask my own,
can’t answer anyone else’s.
All I want is to hold you,
hold you when I’m in one of my moods and
cry.
I want you to see me
cry…
I know you know
what goes on in my
head and my
heart
but
I want you to see it.
I’ve never wanted anybody to actually see it.
But I only hide ‘cos
I know you’ll find me…
I hide because I
so
desperately
want you to find me
…find me here.
I don’t know where I am,
the real me is one of the
thousand pieces of me
that clutter up the corners
and the floor of my mind…
or could you pick
and
chose the bits you think are
really me, please,
go ahead.
You have a better sense of
who I am
than I do
…much better.
I am a question,
a big fat
Y
with a question mark
and I’m slow dancing
in minefields where
everybody knows my name,
but in my mind-field
everyone knows who I am
but me.
Am I really this half decent person
that everyone sees or
am I just wishing so desperately hard to
not be ‘her’
that I convince myself
I am not?
It’s extremely difficult
to be honest
with yourself
when you’ve gotten so
good at lying to
yourself that
you
can’t even tell anymore…


wow, tis very longness with all those enters
<3 glitTer

Asplode

Those unfortunate carbon based lifeforms who share the displeasure of mrs irvings company with me in pre-studies will remember the poems 'Eve' and 'Unto Us'.
We got to discussing the difference between poetry and prose, and I think these are sort of halfway. I write like this lots, we were talking about how they flow like thought, flow like conversation. I have some stuff to get out of my head, so here goes.

A warning, I often write these first as a block of ramblings, then put breaks in it. Not sure if ill do that this time, depends on how it spills out i suppose.

Everyone says
I talk too much
I think
they say it as a hint to
try and get me to
shut up
but it isnt
that easy
because you see if
i dont talk
i just
fill up with
thinkings
musings
ponderings
yellings
some of it has
got to spill out
or ill
asplode
i always seem to be
halfway there
i am
confusing
and
confused
surrounded
and
smothered
by
myself
and
everyone else
all at once
everything
all at once
and then
nothing
cant decide
which is worse?
halfway
between poetry
and
prose
between
feeling
and
thought
halfway
between
chalk
and
cheese
what does that
make me
it makes me
confused
when you dont want to
want what you want
and you convince yourself
that
you dont want
what you want
then sometimes
you get too good at it
and you cant even tell
anymore
cant tell
fact
from
fiction
cant tell
wishful thinking
from
dreaded reality
ive become
so afraid
so damn afraid
afraid of
everything
and
everyone
and mostly me
and mostly
no one
im afraid of
fear
afraid of
loneliness
which makes me more
fearful
and more
lonely
and more

confused




Hope you like it, or whatever. I dont think i want you to understand it, because theres underlying stuff there that i dont feel like having as public knowledge. Nothing majorly dramatic, but yeah.

Also, smiles lanyard has inspired me to try my hand at 6 word thingers
so here are three


stare blank. mind full. face wet.


all the harder, said the girl


deep down everyones a show off