Dear Louise,

Hi there Louise, You've reached your brain. 
I'm full of essays and poetry and piano and music theory and mise en scene right now, so I will happily forget that you wanted to contact me, as well as that essay and the fact that you should be reasonable and go to bed early. Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you. Maybe.


-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

he is jealous for me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYu68H7nNGQ&NR=1

watch it.

For the ten minutes it will take you to watch this, stop studying. stop.

for just ten minutes.

stop for ten minutes and watch this thing and let yourself cry, or just be impacted in whatever form it takes on you.

i think i might actually change my blog title cos of this, cos this is just...

He is jealous for me,
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

So we are his portion and he is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes,
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking.

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us

oh how he loves us so

one misstep and slip before you know it

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
The cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed


you know, im not even entirely sure if i do like him.
i think i convinced myself to...
i just wanted to be struck by lightning.
so badly...

sing i dont wanna be in love
i dont wanna be in love

and i'ma chase that feeling

the roads i've walked that i shouldn't have.
the place im standing on that i wish i wasn't
the path ahead of me that I'm not ready for.

The person I've been that I wish I haven't.
The person I am that isn't as good as I thought it would be.
The person I need to be, that I don't think I can.

Regret, inferiority, fear.

Mistakes, disappointment, mountains.



I just couldn't be in that room anymore.
I looked right at where we sat, where I sat in your lap.

I remember it was awesome, I had a great time.
Then I remember last year.
I cried I think.

Now this year...

and next?

don't even go there...

Bullshit Daydreams

I always feel older than i am, I wonder if it will match up at eighty.

It is very odd to think that at eighty, I may still be seeing and thinking in much the same way. I will still be me, my essence, just older. Strange to think that every second I am living , will one day be my past, will one day be 'the good old days', even now as they are 'the crappy youth days'. Every song I listen to will one day be strange, boring and old. Maybe they already are.

When I am forty, I will buy a best of the naughties mix and, remembering none of it, I will think to myself

'Surely this is not the life I lived...'