the storm is coming, I close my blinds

I'm scared.

I'm so damn scared of myself... I'm afraid that I will just retreat so far back into myself that I'll never come out...and its so lonely in there...

I'm so scared that as I desperately desperately claw around at the people I love, trying to grab something to hold myself up to keep from falling...that you'll get sick of my scratching and leave...

I'm so scared that I'll never really figure out who I am, or that I'll never be able to make the outer layers of bullshit go away and be replaced with actual me.


I will never forget that picture in the art gallery...the black one with the red line around it.
You said it had been you for four years, a vibrant outer shell, but inside, just nothingness.

At the time I was a little busy listening to you and praying that you'd get through this and learn that she was so hideously bad for you, so heartbreakingly damaging to you...

And they were answered, and now you just drink and smoke and flail, having no idea what you're going to do with yourself but thats ok... at least you seem rather determined to keep yourself alive...


But a new question has now arisen...

howlonghasthatbeenme?

<3gliTter