its completely up to us

This week the trend was to crash and burn and then return again to practice the life that I pretend provides enough to get me through the weekend. I know that I don't want to die sitting around watching my life go by and what we take from this is what we'll get and we haven't quite figured it out just yet because all of us are all too stuck. Ttrapped to a chair watching our lives blow up

stuck watching our lives blow up.

you gave me a solution, what have I done with it?

cause I was absolutely sure I had it all figured out way back then, but after this day it's this week all over again.

And lately the weather, has been so Bi-polar and Consequently so have I.

Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw, change from words to blah, blah blah. We took prescription drugs but look how much good that did. Well I think I had a point, but I just got distracted

Lately it just seems to me like we've got the letters A.D.D. branded into our mentality we simply can't focus on anything.

That one thing of the moment that we all happen to like will only very temporarily kinda break the cycle of the double edged sword of being lazy and being bored. We just want more and more and more till it's all we can afford

To keep our eyes open for just one more day

To keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way

To keep our minds open for just one more day

cause its completely up to us to maintain consciousness

well no one can possibly listen to this

more than 4 reps is just monotonous

we're losing interest, losing interest, losing interest 

cause its completely up to us to maintain consciousness

-Shamozzle of Relient K

and i'ma chase that feeling

the roads i've walked that i shouldn't have.
the place im standing on that i wish i wasn't
the path ahead of me that I'm not ready for.

The person I've been that I wish I haven't.
The person I am that isn't as good as I thought it would be.
The person I need to be, that I don't think I can.

Regret, inferiority, fear.

Mistakes, disappointment, mountains.



I just couldn't be in that room anymore.
I looked right at where we sat, where I sat in your lap.

I remember it was awesome, I had a great time.
Then I remember last year.
I cried I think.

Now this year...

and next?

don't even go there...

the storm is coming, I close my blinds

I'm scared.

I'm so damn scared of myself... I'm afraid that I will just retreat so far back into myself that I'll never come out...and its so lonely in there...

I'm so scared that as I desperately desperately claw around at the people I love, trying to grab something to hold myself up to keep from falling...that you'll get sick of my scratching and leave...

I'm so scared that I'll never really figure out who I am, or that I'll never be able to make the outer layers of bullshit go away and be replaced with actual me.


I will never forget that picture in the art gallery...the black one with the red line around it.
You said it had been you for four years, a vibrant outer shell, but inside, just nothingness.

At the time I was a little busy listening to you and praying that you'd get through this and learn that she was so hideously bad for you, so heartbreakingly damaging to you...

And they were answered, and now you just drink and smoke and flail, having no idea what you're going to do with yourself but thats ok... at least you seem rather determined to keep yourself alive...


But a new question has now arisen...

howlonghasthatbeenme?

<3gliTter