How can you be so dead?

I've written this for an english assignment, text production in order to escape poster making :D
i wanted to write on something I'm passionate about without being so personal that I didn't want my teacher to read it, obviously. So here it is, I hope you guys like it, or are convicted by it, or feel something in some way lol.

On Witness

I’m told I hold the dearest truth

And ordered to protect it ruth-

lessly, to fight my way to God

and honestly, I find it odd

to have so tightly bound together

sweetest always, darkest nevers.

we twist His words in such a way

dement, distort, til clear they say

'Thou shalt defend, contain, preserve

traditions truth, for we deserve

to have this newness all our own

and never note how much they groan

of Pain and Death and Poverty

we must push on!' as they decree

‘thou shalt not laugh, or dance or love

those heathen dogs’, while we above

sit smirking, sneering, truth withheld

yet burning rubber’s telltale smell

does drift its way to those below

they crane their necks, and soon they know

the tinfoil lie we forged so well

is deadly, as the gates of hell

What of the Truth? of Grace divine?

We’d rather have communion wine.

Hide here in our iv’ry tower

Not by love, but lust for power

Our own comfort paramount

Broken hearts too menial to count

As anything worth risking for

So we sing hymns and bolt our doors

And guzzling down salvation shots,

Confess our sins?! Deny the lot!

Never mind the falling souls,

Their desp'rate echoes through our halls

And yet, I swear I heard him say

As bold as brass and clear as day

That we must love, all people, deep

Validate their hearts and keep

the knowledge firm, that ‘we are too’

just as lost, and far from you

Imagine now, if you still can

A world, despite the fall of man

Where we could trust, and hold eachoth’r

Acting justly to our brothers

And share with all, this hope, this grace

See love colour every face

It’s not as far as it may seem

Not a fairytale or dream

But true

and real,

attainable.

If we will

just

reach

out

I have gone astray...

I feel like everything in life needs more from me.

I need to do more study, more relaxing, more sleeping, more excercise, more praying, more bible reading, more seeking, more loving, more listening, more organising, more practice, more reading, more noting, more drafting more more more more more.

But what if there is no more?
No more time left to give, no more energy.

What if there is no more of me left in the tank, and its only term two!


♫right in this moment, this orders tall♫

The thing is, I know there is.
I know that there is always more of Gods strength, always more TV to not watch, but...

I think it comes down to the fact that i am selfish with myself.
I want to have part of me just for me.
My little slice of control, my claim on myself.
I don't want to be totally sold out, to anything.

Not to school, not to my friends or my family.
Certainly not to my God.
Because that would be risky wouldn't it, risky and scary and would take effort.

Something you should know about me if you haven't already noticed:
I'm pretty much inherently lazy.
Thats why my room is tidy, thats why I procrastinate, thats probably why I'm fat. (and please don't launch into telling me I'm not to, I'm in the slow process of getting less fat so my self esteem is fine [: )

So do I have a conclusion to this rant? (blah, essay structure in the brain)
No.
Well yes, but one that
SH
O
EPO
L
I


SH

(take that structure)

I doubt I will actually do, at least not to the extent that it needs doing.
But I need to try...
Or I will just have to get used to this feeling of 'steady digging into the earth' (ARGH)
and learn to enjoy this lovely little hole/grave/tunnel to nowhere I have dug myself.


Oh, and here's a poem I wrote. Read all the lines left to right first, as you would normally. Then go top to bottom with only the words on the left side of the indent. make sense? I hope so :)


LORD      I will not stop my search
Test away      Father, in your strength
I will       prove my choice to
follow you,      wherever you will
lead me.
Whichever       corner of this dear globe
you point        me to
toward          it I will march
I will          obey you, dearest LORD
go           before me and with me
I          will go
willl      love, will
live        with you,
for         you, in
you


I hope you like it, or at least can read it lol.

lets take a breath, jump over the side

This is the original intent of the poem I posted before, I just got to articulating the second idea first.
This one might make a little less sense straight up, but I'd love to hear your interpretations.


you were made of sunshine

I took your picture
added glitter
over parts I didn't like

changed your smile
and for a while
you were made of sunshine

took my lenses
messed with tenses
saw you in my rosy way

shuffle pieces
ironed creases
saved you for a rainy day

I change your nose
remove your woes
Then move on to your heart

Create new words
my vision blurred
and then onto your past

I'll heal the scars
of long nights dark
we'll be each others heroes

down we delve
to save ourselves
from counting up the zeros

I close my eyes
and big surprise
Your perfect smile greats me

Far I fall,
You save us all
No darkness can defeat me

The sun does rise
wipe sleep from eyes
Your magic unforgettable

From every place
remove the trace
Reality regrettable

completed souls
together whole
I cling to adoration

you are mine
we intertwine
and you are my salvation

Perfection reached
I write my speech
reveal this perfect art

admire your face
all parts in place
your strong and perfect heart

Hold it up
and raise my cup
a toast to it I stammer

I hear a sound
and look around
and see you getting hammered

I don't wanna be a stupid girl...

I took my picture

added glitter

over parts I didn't like

slice that stranger

re-arrange her

into something I might buy

Honest's tough

and not enough

to satisfy this need you grew

Cut and paste

No space I'll waste

found the scissors, where's the glue?

Stick together

won't take weather

never said I did before

does it matter?

winds will batter

I'll be tossed up in this storm

im a faker

you're a breaker

shattered hearts distorted dreams

I pretend

my time I spend

claiming its not how it seems

It sounds so soothing, 'this will all blow over in time'

I'll take my time
I'll take the leaf from your book
I'll take a break
I'll take a look

I'll take my stand
I'll take your heat
I'll take the pills
I'll take the heat

I'll take a vacation
I'll take all the blame
Now I've taken it all
are you glad that you came?

im stuck on a verse

haiku...

sometimes are profound

but sometimes nonsensical

cheese breath facebook bound

I finally hit the crackpot
you finally broke me down
I'd give you every cent I've got
to wipe away your frown

My wasted hours haunt me now
as day fades into day
you called me 'stupid', 'ugly', 'cow'
they said its just your way

desperation drinks vodka from a teacup
frustration drinks bourbon from a shoe
I'd take all I had and I'd give it all up
just to get a little word from you

after seven years of telling me
that this is all ill get
you finally got your way my dear
so are you happy yet?




just so you know, this is totally fictional, the last verse kinda just popped into my head while I was watching criminal minds and it went from there.
so don't stress, im fine :)

You're Beautiful, It's true

You’re Beautiful, by Simon Armitage

You’re Beautiful because you’re classically trained.
I’m ugly because I associate piano wire with strangulation.

You’re beautiful because you stop to read the cards in newsagents’ windows about lost cats and missing dogs.
I’m ugly because of what 1 did to that jellyfish with a lolly-stick and a big stone

You’re beautiful because for you, politeness is instinctive, not a marketing campaign
I’m ugly because desperation is impossible to hide.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

You’re beautiful because you believe in coincidence and the power of thought.
I’m ugly because I proved God to be a mathematical impossibility

You’re beautiful because you prefer home-made soup to the packet stuff.
I’m ugly because once, at a dinner party, I defended the aristocracy and wasn’t even drunk.

You’re beautiful because you can’t work the remote control.
I’m ugly because of satellite television and twenty-four hour rolling news.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

You’re beautiful because you cry at weddings as well as funerals.
I’m ugly because I think .of children as another species from a different world.

You’re beautiful because you look great in any colour including red.
I’m ugly because I think shopping is strictly for the acquisition of material goods.

You’re beautiful because when you were born, undiscovered planets lined up to peep over the rim of your cradle and lay gifts of gravity and light at your miniature feet.
I’m ugly for saying ‘love at first sight’ is another form of mistaken identity and that the most human of all responses is to gloat.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

You’re beautiful because you’ve never seen the inside of a car-wash,
I’m ugly because I always ask for a receipt.

You’re beautiful for sending a box of shoes to the third world.
I’m ugly because I remember the telephone numbers of ex-girlfriends and the year Schubert was born.

You’re beautiful because you sponsored a parrot in a zoo.
I’m ugly because when I sigh it’s like the slow collapse of a circus tent.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

You’re beautiful because you can point at a man in a uniform and laugh.
I’m ugly because I was a police informer in a previous life.

You’re beautiful because you drink a litre of water and eat three pieces of fruit a day.
I’m ugly for taking the line that a meal without meat is a beautiful woman with one eye.

You’re beautiful because you don’t see love as a competition and you know how to lose.
I’m ugly because I kissed the FA Cup then held it up to the crowd.

You’re beautiful because of a single buttercup in the top buttonhole of your cardigan.
I’m ugly because I said the World’s Strongest Woman was a muscleman in a dress.

You’re beautiful because you couldn’t live in a lighthouse.
I’m ugly for making hand-shadows in front of the giant bulb, so when they look up, the captains of vessels in distress see the ears of a rabbit, or the eye of a fox, or the legs of a galloping black horse.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

Ugly like he is,
Beautiful like hers,
Beautiful like Venus,
Ugly like his,
Beautiful like she is,
Ugly like Mars.

I love this... a lot

Without a song or a dance what are we?

I'm sick of being bad at my job.
Well, not as brilliant at it as he needs me to be.
ARGH AT MYSELF.
Do you know, after he roasted me, I was actually daydreaming about going back to maccas.
now thats sad.

I need to pray. And I shall do so tomorrow.
I will sleep in til i dunno, maybe ten/ten thirty.
get up and eat breakfast, get dressed.
Tidy my room so its nice again.
tidy some of the rest of the house to make my mum feel better.
and then do LOTS of journalling and praying and calming down so i dont completely freak out about going to work.
I need my eternal perspective back I think, and tomorrow I'm gonna go looking for it.


Ode to Coffee

Coffee,oh coffee
why must you tease so?
when i dont pour you right
and all funny you go.

My boss sends you back,
with half laugh on his lips
I stand and I stare
my hands on my hips

Coffee, oh coffee
you taste so damn fine
You keep me breathing
around exam time.

days spent without you
are painful and long
I love you so much
but I make you so wrong

Coffee, oh coffee
oh vessel of caffeine
you also taste awesome
but not made by me

I should give cesar a copy lol.
I think he'd laugh...


In other news...

Dear BBlemu
I am so sorry that you had to cancel the GNI.
We really did want to go!!
And we know long distance relationships are hard, but please don't give up on us.
Meetings might be short and far between, but we think of you and miss you often, and we will make it.
Just think, we'll be getting Ps soon!
And we are so sorry that we have had to choose our silly jobs over spending time with our favourite mental patient, but I work in a small business where I can't just take the night off, and Cindy is incapable of saying no (but ill teach her eventually).
We love you!!!!