I'm not sayin' it was your fault, although you could have done more

I still dream about you.
Embarassingly often.
Like seriously, if you ever find out how much you're on my mind, or in my dreams...
Well I'm screwed, because you'll be too weirded out to speak to me ever again, and I'll just get worse.
I had a dream within a dream, about English being horrible.
Woke up from the dream within the dream, had a whinge to Shaz and Catherine, they were coming over for some reason. As we walked through the house I discovered it was full of people, from all of my different little circles.
School friends, Church friends, Old work mates, a couple of my favourite netball girls, some family and of course, the old family friends. You. Well you and your brother and your best friend.

You were cooking something, you were wearing oven mits and standing in the kitchen. Your brother and best friends were sitting around on the benches, demanding that you make them a sandwich.

You laughed, put down whatever it was (bits of oven maybe?) and looked up and saw me.
And you were... well happy to see me. I got me a massive hug from you and your brother, and other people from my life started popping up.
Two from separate circles appeared to be suddenly a couple, which was very weird, but overall it was just awesome fun.

And even though it was your face only in a sea of others that I adore so much, I only remembered the dream and made myself remember because you were there.

And I miss you.
And you don't reply to anything.

And you will never be who I imagined you to be, but part of me still doesn't know that.

And I wonder if I will ever stop dreaming of you.

andpartofmedoesn'twantto

if i could go back and do it again

i feel like writing,but not my story.
so here we go...


Damn that freaking nokia tone....
'where are you, phone?'
'where the crap are you???'
fumble,fumble,fumble
clink,tap,bang

'there you are.'
'nguuuuhh'.

vision blurs as the back of my hand smudges yesterdays mascara.
or maybe the day before....
who gives a crap.

'Are you coming to school today?
Cos I don't know if I'm gonna bother sticking around if you're not.
I won't survive english without you :P.
You'll always be mine,
I love you, don't forget it.
Robbie'

'Okay okay, so he gives a crap'.
sniffle,sniffle,cough

bleeuurrgghhh...

god i feel like crap.

Hey,
Pay no mind, I am in bed drowning in my own snot.
not pretty, even english is preferable to looking at me right now.
and hearing me, god.
even home group would be better.
just.
love you too,
Alice'


Smack, phone on desk.

beep,beep,beep
vnnn,vnnn,vnnnn

'ngguuuhhhhhhhhhh!!!!'

'feel better!
and you would never be worse than english.
its not possible'

you're sweet, but im still snotty.

nguuuhh...sleeeeeeppp.





hmmm, i love it when you play with my hair.
its so nice.
do I smell chicken and sweet corn soup?

hang on, what??

'hey beautiful'
'hello you healthy bastard'

'well, its nice to see you too!'
'no its not, I look awful. And I don't even need to see me to know that I look awful.'

'you look beautiful. as always.'
'don't give me that shit' but I can't help but smile.

'shut up snotty, and drink.'
'but that m'eans I have to sit up!'

'oh shush and be grateful. some poor chinese woman at the golden dragon slaved over reheating that for at least four and a half minutes'
'oh hardy har. mmm, tastes like at least five minutes, you're spoiling me'

'only the best for my girl'
I smile,and relax into you as you hand me a tissue.



wanna know something sad?
I got keep writing that for a ridiculously long time.

Just call me Rosie Greeneyes.

Think of me, trying to hard to put you from my mind

Dear Stuff,
Dear last beer bottle into the fridge, I love you, you make me smile as you slide cosily into your position.
Much love,
<3glitter Dear people drinking only one of a type of beer that no one else likes I hate you, just drink the same beer as everyone else, k? Looking forward to not having to glass you in frustration, <3gliTter Dear self, You suck, you are not very good at remembering things or being organised. You really should use your diary, and get off your ass and do what needs to be done. You have parking practice, piano, slum survivor and a VOC studies assignment to do tomorrow. You do too many things. Stop. <3glitter Dear dreams, you are hurtful because you are happy and not true. You make me annoyed at myself for being half awake and deciding to stay in that dream place, cos it felt like pretty much all I wanted for a VERY long time. You make me sad and regretty feeling, because you have shown me that I still want what I used to want, ridiculous as it is. Ridiculous and non-existent, seeing I have built it up in my ivory tower of imagination. You make me sad, and afraid of heights. at least you did not torture me with blowflies. thanking you for minute mercies, <3glitter Dear Person, you suck. You are not, never will be and possibly never have been who I built you up to be. This is my fault. I don't care, you still suck. <3glitter Dear other person, you remind me so much of the first one that it is literally painful. you talk like he does, you have a jacket like he does, you have friends like his. You make fun of me like he does, but make it funny like he does. You deliver pizzas like he used to. i wonder if you drink as much as he does. i certainly hope not. Please do not pour your life down the drain even as he pours toxic liquids down his throat and i try I try so desperately to get his life back out of the drain, even though theres nothing anyone can really do but him. Please do not put yourself through what I hope so desperately is a phase. Please stay like him, but not him. Cos I will seriously go totally bonkers if your hair changes colour, you need glasses and start playing hockey. If you ever call me emo, I will undoubtedly snap and as we discussed this evening as I gritted my teeth and tried not to think about the other person, the laser shooting eye thing, meant to be a secret. Call me frenchy all you like (the beret was asking for it I guess), but don't call me emo. for both our sakes... This is random,I hardly know you, but still <3gliTter Dear Blogger, Stop taking out all my enters when I edit this post. And stop putting in labels i didnt want so I have to edit it again. You are frustrating and addictive, -sigh-