Friday, September 11, 2009

I will lose this shadow, I will find my way

The prodigal son.
is an incredible story, when you hear it told by a person who feels it, believes it, lives it, breathes it.

i had this image, in my head, as he told the story, so incredibly.

I'm going to write it out...

Big, blue, sky.
Once beautiful, now simply empty.
I have been walking down this road a long time.
I don't know why.
I don't know where I'm going.
Or where I think I'm going.
Or where I used to think I was going...

I don't know why I started walking this road.
But I am slowly realising that I don't like it anymore.
For a while, the thrill of the open road alone was enough.

Not anymore, I want to have a destination, a purpose.
And more than that, I want to already be somewhere.

But I am going nowhere.

As I realise this, I think that perhaps I should turn around.
I seem to remeber having come from somewhere worth being.

But I'm not sure if it was real anymore...
did I dream it?
Weirder things have happened.

But...but what if it was real?

This question is enough to halt my dusty trudging, for at least a moment.

But...what will I say to him?
Man, did I screw it...

I concoct an incredibly apologetic, begging, pathetic speech and rehearse.
A thousand times.

Then, finally, I feel nearly ready to turn around and start walking back to a place that may or may not exist, may or may not be as good as I remember and where I may or may not be welcome.

A deep breath.
Alright, I'll do it.
it's got to be better than this...
Ok, two deep breaths.

Slowly turn, expecting...
well expecting nothing honestly.
Expecting a long sad walk home, to a hostile, disappointing home.

But it's got to be better than this...

I turn, and there you are!
I try to begin my speech, but it's impossible because somehow we are already hugging, so tightly, so warmly, with a love so intense it verges on and blurs with desperation.

A hug that says I missed you, on both sides.
A hug that says I'm sorry, and I forgive you.
A hug that says about time you got here and about time I did this.

A hug that says I love you.

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