Friday, March 27, 2009

I'm forgetting everything faster than I can remember what I'm missing

I'm very sore...
My legs hurt, the muscles just higher than my knees.
Stairs are todays enemy I think.

And sleepiness.


How do you explain a shower to someone with only very basic english?
Someone who you is a total stranger, but going to be living in your house for the next week.
Exchange students are funny...
My sister tells me I have the honor of teaching her how to use the shower since she did it the last two times. Could be awkward, could be weird.

and then VELCRO DAY!
Well actually, today is already velcro day, but still.

As long as I don't have to work tonight, today could go well...
Anthony better reply to my message.
Or he will die.

I had a very exciting thought this morning, that as I got out of bed (well, dragged myself out of bed) she is on a plane, flying here, totally excited.
And I was whinging about cleaning.
I guess for us its our 4th time having an exchange student from japan or korea, so we've kind of been there done that.
For me it basically means I have to clean a lot, which is crap.

But thinking about that, her excitement and the fact that she is actually flying here from japan!
It's kind of mad, hard not to be excited

<3glitter
no-oneelsecantellyouwhatyoucameherefor

Thursday, March 26, 2009

i had a hard day

you must send me that song...
also, expect me to leave messages like that on your phone at some point...

we both know it'll happen :P

<3glitter
imsomucholderthanicantake

talk to the mirror, oh choke back tears

So...
I got a 62, for my solo.

Bad.
Very
very

bad.


Because I'm a perfectionist, a total perfectionist.
I expect the best of myself, all the time.
Which is probably a bad plan, but I can't really help it.
If I lowered my expectations, it wouldn't work.

Because deep down, I still expect the best.

I spoke to my teacher today, about the 62.
She said my performance was great, with the actual performing part.

Apparently my technique was not there and my song choice was crap.
The second part is easy to agree with, I already knew that, the first one was too repetitive and out of my comfort range and the second too hard.
The first bit.. not easy to swallow.
I know full well that I'm not one of those singers who can cruise through things.

My voice is not that good, I have to work for what I want, I've always known that and I've always been prepared to do it, but...
62?

I can't remember ever doing that badly... its a 24 out of forty, in last years terms a 12.
I never get 12's.....

except this time...

Makes me seriously consider asking to play piano for my solos, because i know im playing at a pretty high grade and maybe I could do that better...

But then I wonder if that would just be piking, giving in.
And I never give in, not in music.
Maths, science, maybe.
In fact, often.

Never english, never sose,
never music.

And I don't know how well I can explain this, but getting a 62...
I poured my soul into those songs, I worked so hard...
It's like branding me with a big ugly
62
right in the middle of my forehead...

and seriously, 97?
well done, I'm incredibly jealous...

<3glitter
tilionlydwellinthee

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

quietly and gracefully

There is something very nice about being a mime.
It makes me feel different, this non-speakage and white face business.
I feel more relaxed actually, free to be more over-dramatic and...I dunno how to say what i mean.
It makes you think about communication, listening and reading body language.
Some people (luvya kel) are mad good at reading our mimeish body language and others (-cough- tim -cough-) are bad at it.
Makes you wonder how much people are really listening to you when you do speak...
Makes me wonder how much I actually listen to people.

<3I love that you always understand me, you're golden girl, can't wait to be freaky clone twins.
I wonder how long our hair and face paint will last on saturday? lol probably not long.

I just wanted to tell you, even though I can't speak, that you are flipping amazing and awesome and lovely and cute and sweet and kind and a MASSIVELY FANTASTIC friend.

Oh, and your an island of reality in an ocean of diaorrhea, i love you buddy.

<3gliTter

Monday, March 23, 2009

mushrooms and trakkies

its a little bit of weird right now.
Just, I dunno. I guess I've been single for ages.
And for a while we all were, all three of us.
And now its just me.
Again.

I'm not whinging, I don't even mind (at the moment at least :P)
It's just a tad weird, it makes me feel like I'm at a very different point of my life to you guys, in a way.
Not a big way. Maybe just that God has got important stuff to teach me and doesn't want me to be distracted. Which I would be. Thoroughly.

I dunno, its just odd.
<3gliTter

Sunday, March 22, 2009

cos you always pay for it...

3 years 10 months.
Thats 1096 (taking a leap year into account) plus 336 (the ten months).
So thats 1432 days left of being a teenager.
How hideous...
or is it good?
I guess it doesn't make any difference, I can't make it go any faster.
Im so bored

Saturday, March 21, 2009

a sin you swallow for the rest of your life

I can't decide if I want to be Peter Pan.
I don't want to get old, I really don't.
But also, I'm gonna have a massive party when I turn 20, just to say
'YES! I SURVIVED BEING A TEENAGER! HALLELUJAH ITS OVER!!!!'

But I'm not sure how that night would turn out, if I'd be happy or sad to be out of this silly little state of being, this muddled-up-finding-our-feet-in-the-big-scary-world-and-the-big-scary-truth-of-who-we-really-are. I really can't decide...

Peter Pan had it easy, he didn't have a choice and he got to stay as a boy, not a teen.

bastard

<3gliTter

Friday, March 20, 2009

until my eyes run dry...

What is love but the strangest of feelings?
A sin you swallow for the rest of your life?
You've been looking for someone to believe in
To love you, until your eyes run dry

She lives on disillusion road
We go where the wild blood flows
On our bodies we share the same scar
Love me, wherever you are

How do you love with fate full of rust?
How do you turn what the savage take?
You've been looking for someone you can trust
To love you, again and again

How do you love in a house without feelings?
How do you turn what that savage take?
I've been looking for someone to believe in
Love me, again and again

She lives by disillusions glow
We go where the wild blood flows
On our bodies, we share the same scar

How do you love on a night without feelings?
She says "love, i hear sound, i see fury"
She says "love`s not a hostile condition"

Love me, wherever you are
Love me, wherever you are
Love me, wherever you are
Wherever you are

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

estava en ottro siteo

-headdesk-

iwishtheydneverinventedthecomputer

also,iwishiwouldshutmymouthmoreoften

didn't wake up in the morning, must have done my job right

excuse me while my brain explodes for new and highly uncomfortable reasons

even VET doesnt hurt this much...

so I turned myself to face me...

ok, this is going to be madly self centred and bitchy.
Brace ye-selves.

Sometimes I just wish you would shut up.

More than that though, I wish you could just relax around me. Relax and be yourself, stop manicly covering with useless musical information and that constant barrage of questions that has become your trademark.
"What chord is this?" "Do you know what key this is in?"
etc etc etc.

I promised myself that I wouldn't let it get to me too much, to the point I explode at you.

And with solo's coming up, your panic levels are through the roof and I can see why.

I've known for a while that your self belief levels haven't been good, or even average, for a long time. And I can see that they've slid further and further down, until you can't even listen to yourself properly to realise that you're a fantastic vocalist and musician.

All that browbeating in class is not for us organised types. Its for the boys in the back row.
Tune it out, before your brain explodes from overthinking.
But that's what you do so very, very well.
Overthinking, overworrying, overstressing.
Your worse than my nanna...


I'm not mad at you, it's just that with your freak-out level so high, you're clawing around for confirmation and encouragement exponentially more and sometimes, when I'm not having the best day, it's not that easy.

But I'm gonna do it for you, I'm damnwell determined.

I said you could trust me, that I'd always be here.

And I will be.

<3gliTter

i had a temper once, don't want it back or anything

fun times ahead
no really, fun!


andwewaitfortheshittohitthefan

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

one thing I've learnt is even angels lose their cool

I wonder sometimes, when I'm watching people. Just random friends, just total randoms sometimes.
What's really hiding beneath that hat, or that concealer, that smile? What's really going on inside of you and how long will it be until you snap? Snap under the pressure of whats expected of you, demanded of you. What you inflicted on yourself maybe. Troubles at home, troubles with money, troubles with school, troubles with work. How long can you stand up under it like atlas until you snap in anger or despair, like a spine snapping. How long until you are totally paralysed by the shock of your outlash?

How long can we really last?
My guess?

About 13 years of this crap.

And then Uni for us masochistic retards.

<3glitter
ps this is not directed at anyone, nor am i feeling particularly pressured, just observations and thoughts