Sunday, November 21, 2010

Frame me and hang me on the wall

Ok, I won't deny, this trivial stuff is getting to me today.

I am sick of feeling like I am not being listened to.
I am sick of the 'just in case' policy. The 'just in case' policy leaves you with 50 million times more stuff than you needed.
I am sick of trying to get this organised between so many people.
I am sick of your tension.
I am sick of my tension.
I am sick of my hypocrisy.
I just want to be there already, and relax.

So, valid point, I need more sleep, and my fatigue is making everything more annoying.
But for crying out loud, did I not say all of this twice already??


Friday, November 5, 2010

I can't get no...

Alternative title : dear church,

We sing 'God be the Solution', and about healing broken hearts, breaking chains and though I believe that a faith community has the power and potential to do that, and I certainly believe it of God, these days I believe it less and less of the church. As the days roll by, I do my best, but I cannot overrun this restless dissatisfaction.

If it wasn't for the fact that I am determined to make a change, I think I would just leave. If it weren't for the the people, I would just leave.

Can the church ever do what we promise to? can religion ever actually work?



am I doomed to spend my entire life pouring myself into something I don't entirely believe in? Trying desperately to make it work?





will it ever?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

are you going round the twist?

I am a sheep, so here I am writing letters, copying Ben at Closer to the Heart, just like leish at L is for Leish

and no, no my lettering is not the same as theirs, and i'm not gonna try to be comprehensive like leish lol.

A: I am really angry at you. For a while I was, then for a while I wasn't, and now I really, really am. (the end of that sentence is kinda awkward...). You screwed him over, twice. You know better than anyone what that would do, you knew, and still know, that there is more to this than you, but no, thats fine. Go off and be happy with some other guy, its bitter of me, and I'll probably just give in and talk to you, but I don't want you to be there, I don't want to see or hear from you that night. Just stand in a corner and remember that no-one wants you there, and that you had no right to do what you did.

M: I cannot wait to spend big chunks of summer with you, I've missed our chilled out fun times together, the loose-lips florence days that just don't seem to happen anymore. Basically, I love you to bits, you are super beautiful and you're still one of my closest friends, even though we seem to have drifted just a teensy bit, i'm gonna steal you right on back, i'm determined that we can be even closer than we were before all this stress-shit :)

T: I miss you so much! I'm so glad you have such an amazing girlfriend to look after you, even better than I used to, it is good because now I get to just miss you, and not worry :) If you hadn't twigged by now, you must keep this girl!!! (listen to your mother :P) I can't wait to see you at formal, or hopefully before, I have got some really tall shoes so you won't make me look like a midget in the pictures :) Oh, and just because its tradition now, I am going to break your ribs with a hug :)

S: I can't believe we are all leaving you already, even being back with you today felt weird, and its only been a few days. There are some things that I am so glad to never have to deal with again, but over all, I'm going to miss you! But I guess that is what happens when life happens, and we both know i'll be back.

M: You truly light up my life just by being in it, and i'm never letting go of you <3

K: Even if we drift over the next few years, we both know we'll be together in the end, and God has his hand over whatever happens, I'll always remember you very, very fondly every time I hear mighty to save, and you always have a special little spot in my heart :)

H: Sometimes when you walk into a room, you are just so damn hot that a little piece of me dies inside :P but THEN you are just so funny and lovely and beautiful to be around, that I don't even care! Your party was absolutely smashing, and you are just amazing to be around in general. love you!!!

R: If I have to take a million beautiful pictures of you and tell you a billion times that you are incredible to look at, be around and have the pleasure of calling my friend, i will. Because a person as wonderful as you are deserves to know it.

C: I don't really have a lot to say to you here, because these days I can just talk to you about whatever, whenever. So I guess I will just say, that that means a lot to me, and I am over-the-moon-happy to call you my bestie, finally lol. You are one of only two people I can be totally honest with, and that means a lot :)

B: I freaking love you. I love that you are so kind, sweet, ready to help others even with so much on your own mental plate, and just the cutest damn thing ever to walk the earth. And because I never lie to you, because you'll know and never listen to me again, I will say that you are a little too honest sometimes, which you know, but as you so beautifully put it the other day, our love is a rock <3

V: Sometimes I want to hit you, but sometimes I want to hit a lot of people haha. I love you very much, you know that, and I miss you heaps, which I hope you know too. Looking forward to seeing you again, and more often. <3 <3 <3

B: Back off my best friend. You might be better at maths and science, and be able to kick my ass in any video game but solitaire, but seriously. Back off, or be prepared to have your ass kicked IRL, public school style. I don't even care if i have to take both of you at once, enough is enough.

W: I know from reading your amazing blog that you can feel a bit unnoticed and unappreciated, but I want you to know that I think you are a really amazing guy, and an asset to everything you are involved in. Your girl is so lucky to have you, as is our whole group. We love you!!!

S: I miss you so much! Its like, I sort of see you every week, get a touch base and a big hug and a reminder to each other that we are still brother and sister, sometimes I text you when songs make me think of you, but mostly I miss our amazing chats that actually mattered. we've gotta catch up, ok?