Tuesday, September 29, 2009

this sweet madness...

I want to ask you stupid questions.
I want to ask you what type of cereal you like, whether you like vegemite, whether you drink tea or coffee, whether you want to stay in adelaide or move away, I want to know if you wanna be a dad, and if so how many kids and have you ever wondered what you'd name them?
I wanna know your favourite movie and your least favourite TV show.
I wanna know what advertising jingle makes you want to punch babies, or if you're too chilled to give a damn, or if you don't even watch much TV.
I want to know what kind of old person you wanna be, or if you've even ever thought of it.
I wanna know your favourite season, your favourite time of day, your favourite type of tree.
You favourite flower.

I wanna know what kind of questions you'd ask me.
I wanna know if you've noticed what colour my eyes are, or the state of my favourite shoes.
I wanna know who you'd ask if I like you... If you wanted to know.
I wanna know if you'd ask my dads permission
I wanna know if you'd protect me from blowflies and staircases.
I wanna know what kind of a car you'd dream of having.
I wanna know what kind of car you'd imagine me driving.
I wanna know if the idea of me driving scares you, or makes you laugh, or if you even give a damn.
I wanna know if you can imagine me driving kids (ours?) to football, or netball.
I wanna know if you can imagine drinking tea with me on the morning of my eighty seventh birthday.

I wanna know if you would put the sauce bottle in the pantry or the fridge.
And if you'd change to the pantry just for me...


I wanna know if I'm weird for thinking of all of this stuff..


i am sitting here inside my heart armour, too small for it now, bashing against the walls.
screaming, begging for somebody, anybody to let me out.
I wish it could be you beautiful angels, but like an idiot, I decided to narrow the criteria, just a LOT too much...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Without a song or a dance what are we?

I'm sick of being bad at my job.
Well, not as brilliant at it as he needs me to be.
ARGH AT MYSELF.
Do you know, after he roasted me, I was actually daydreaming about going back to maccas.
now thats sad.

I need to pray. And I shall do so tomorrow.
I will sleep in til i dunno, maybe ten/ten thirty.
get up and eat breakfast, get dressed.
Tidy my room so its nice again.
tidy some of the rest of the house to make my mum feel better.
and then do LOTS of journalling and praying and calming down so i dont completely freak out about going to work.
I need my eternal perspective back I think, and tomorrow I'm gonna go looking for it.


Ode to Coffee

Coffee,oh coffee
why must you tease so?
when i dont pour you right
and all funny you go.

My boss sends you back,
with half laugh on his lips
I stand and I stare
my hands on my hips

Coffee, oh coffee
you taste so damn fine
You keep me breathing
around exam time.

days spent without you
are painful and long
I love you so much
but I make you so wrong

Coffee, oh coffee
oh vessel of caffeine
you also taste awesome
but not made by me

I should give cesar a copy lol.
I think he'd laugh...


In other news...

Dear BBlemu
I am so sorry that you had to cancel the GNI.
We really did want to go!!
And we know long distance relationships are hard, but please don't give up on us.
Meetings might be short and far between, but we think of you and miss you often, and we will make it.
Just think, we'll be getting Ps soon!
And we are so sorry that we have had to choose our silly jobs over spending time with our favourite mental patient, but I work in a small business where I can't just take the night off, and Cindy is incapable of saying no (but ill teach her eventually).
We love you!!!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

i got caught up in all there was to offer

Cunninhams Muffins

What would you like for breakfast Johnny?
Muffins!
Thats right!
At cunninhams muffins we know that muffins make the best breakfast, so why not try all of our exciting new flavours!
Raspberry!
Cranberry!
Apples!
Cinnamon!
Pecan!
Pumpkin!
Nut!
Date Nut!
Lemon Poppy Seed Muffin!
Banana!
Orange!
Peach!
Strawberry!
Blueberry!
Boysenberry!
Almond!
Chocco Chocco Chip!
Carrot!
Gooseberry
Pumpernickle!
Fish!
Paperclip!
Ink!
Bird!
Shampoo!
Star Wars Muffin!
Bullfrog!
Crickets!
Cigarette! -cough-
Israeli Palestinian conflict muffins! -muffin fight-
Bitsa glass muffin...ow!
Asbestos! I'm baking muffins asbestos I can! -crazy laugh-
Monkey!
Alghero Muffin!
Elephant!
Pencil!
Newspaper!
FIRE!!
Imaaaaginarry muffin!
Cartoon Muffin! -flying cartoon muffin-
Blood!
Which one would you like Johnny?

I lost my appetite...
You'll eat a muffin!
You'll eat it and like it!!!!

So try all of our delicious cunningham muffins, at cunningham muffins!!!



epic
epic
lolz

one misstep and slip before you know it

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
The cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed


you know, im not even entirely sure if i do like him.
i think i convinced myself to...
i just wanted to be struck by lightning.
so badly...

sing i dont wanna be in love
i dont wanna be in love

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

and i'ma chase that feeling

the roads i've walked that i shouldn't have.
the place im standing on that i wish i wasn't
the path ahead of me that I'm not ready for.

The person I've been that I wish I haven't.
The person I am that isn't as good as I thought it would be.
The person I need to be, that I don't think I can.

Regret, inferiority, fear.

Mistakes, disappointment, mountains.



I just couldn't be in that room anymore.
I looked right at where we sat, where I sat in your lap.

I remember it was awesome, I had a great time.
Then I remember last year.
I cried I think.

Now this year...

and next?

don't even go there...

Monday, September 21, 2009

such divided hearts...

frank woodley.
is a freaking genius.

and chicken tonight ads are silly.
but my sister doing the chicken crump is even sillier.
no kidding, i nearly wet myself.

but the weather wet me for me.
wow.
that was a weird sentence.

muffin flange.

that's a weird sentence too.

lol, if anyone knows what flange is (as in guitar effects/pedals) im imagining a muffin, making flangey noises. thanks to frank woodley, i can take no credit.

in other news, he accepted my facebook request very quickly and no, the girl in the pink dress is not his girlfriend. annoying how relieved i felt.

maths test today.
another C, no worries mate!

in other news, my feet are cold.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar

Long days are gay.
I don't think I shall go into too much detail, because I'm sick of listening to myself whinge.
bet you kids are glad to hear that :P

basically, I'm sick of spending life dreading school, dreading work, dreading this, that or the other.
I'm over being over stuff.

I want my enjoyment back...

I want to snap out of it, but at the same time I don't want to.
Cos if I do, then I have to face the wave of stress and things undone that is just waiting for me to properly admit it's there...

oh dear...

Monday, September 14, 2009

nothing to do and there's nothing to say...

Well, we've had 'so you think you can dance' and 'so you think you can mime'
I have a new one
'so you think you can survive highschool'
or maybe 'so you think you can survive adolescence'
or even 'so you think you can make it'.

we should put signs that say that on the doors of the very first year twelve assembly.

im scared.

im scared ill fail year twelve, do nothing with my life and die alone.

im scared that every ministry event I try to organise in my entire life will be a flop, that nobody will come and i will sit in my church hall, surrounded by cupcakes and biscuits set up beautifully on tables, all alone.

And as I sit there crying, the food slowly decomposes and the room is full of blowflies. giant blowflies...

the end.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

if you feel that way now or if you ever feel so inclined

today was our first event for our new ministry, bridges.
as in bridging the generation gap.
it went so well, people actually came!
and it wasn't just awkward silence!
and they actually had a good time!

im so excited for the next event.

yeah, im only blogging cos i told lauren i would :P

also, second edit of my thing that i wrote at two o clock in the morning.

An intoxicating breeze swirls in from the north west as if to ask for a dance, carrying with it the soothing smell of jasmine as we two lie together, listening to the sounds of summer.

I turn my head to the left and note the time, 0:00.
'Look at that...right in this moment, time is nothing.'
and we lie there, soaked in warmth and contentment, purely existing for that one incredible moment, watching the clock tick over to 0:01, and a new day.


better? i like it better...

sometimes there's no choice but to walk away...

The soothing smell of jasmine mingles with the chirping of new crickets, carried into the room by an intoxicating breeze that comes swirling in from the adventurous north west to ask for a dance as we two lie together, listening to the sounds of summer.

I turn my head to the left and note the time, 0:00.
'Look at that...right in this moment, time is nothing.'
and we lie there, soaked in warmth and contentment, purely existing for that one incredible moment, watching the clock tick over to 0:01, and a new day as we wait for the sunrise.

Friday, September 11, 2009

I will lose this shadow, I will find my way

The prodigal son.
is an incredible story, when you hear it told by a person who feels it, believes it, lives it, breathes it.

i had this image, in my head, as he told the story, so incredibly.

I'm going to write it out...

'Dust.
Big, blue, sky.
Once beautiful, now simply empty.
I have been walking down this road a long time.
I don't know why.
I don't know where I'm going.
Or where I think I'm going.
Or where I used to think I was going...

I don't know why I started walking this road.
But I am slowly realising that I don't like it anymore.
For a while, the thrill of the open road alone was enough.

Not anymore, I want to have a destination, a purpose.
And more than that, I want to already be somewhere.

But I am going nowhere.

As I realise this, I think that perhaps I should turn around.
I seem to remeber having come from somewhere worth being.

But I'm not sure if it was real anymore...
did I dream it?
Weirder things have happened.

But...but what if it was real?

This question is enough to halt my dusty trudging, for at least a moment.

But...what will I say to him?
Man, did I screw it...

I concoct an incredibly apologetic, begging, pathetic speech and rehearse.
A thousand times.

Then, finally, I feel nearly ready to turn around and start walking back to a place that may or may not exist, may or may not be as good as I remember and where I may or may not be welcome.

A deep breath.
Alright, I'll do it.
it's got to be better than this...
Ok, two deep breaths.

Slowly turn, expecting...
well expecting nothing honestly.
Expecting a long sad walk home, to a hostile, disappointing home.

But it's got to be better than this...

I turn, and there you are!
I try to begin my speech, but it's impossible because somehow we are already hugging, so tightly, so warmly, with a love so intense it verges on and blurs with desperation.

A hug that says I missed you, on both sides.
A hug that says I'm sorry, and I forgive you.
A hug that says about time you got here and about time I did this.

A hug that says I love you.


my little sweetheart jumped overboard

“Tuplets” are rhythms like triplets, which are played at some fraction of their normal speed.
(Tuplet is not a nice word, though alternatives like “irrational rhythm” aren’t too terrific either.
Opinion is divided as to whether “tuplet” rhymes with “duplet” or with “couplet.”)

lol.

-loves the sibellius people and is beginning to think it is the fault of the terrible macs that everything is gay, and not them...-

geeks with too much time on their hands, how i enjoy them lol.

desperate for changing, starving for truth

hahahahahaha.

i can get onto blogger and leisha cant.
it  makes me smile :D
just like that lol.


in other news, fridays are very strange.
i have piano at 10.20 and then nothing until half past two.

four hours.
of absolutely nothing.
of course i could use this time productively, but i dont. :D

the year nines have year band, i laugh so hard.
but i wont be laughing once they start playing.
i will either vomit, or be jealous that we were crapper than that in year nine.
either way, its not looking good.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My name is written on his hand

I am seriously agreeing with leisha here.

I am a procrastinator, because I am pretending that time does not exist.

I am pretending that it doesn't matter what I do.

Desperately trying to convince myself that everything will be fine.

That I don't need to be afraid of my lack of ability to run my life.

But I am...

damn school sucks...


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

if i could go back and do it again

i feel like writing,but not my story.
so here we go...


Damn that freaking nokia tone....
'where are you, phone?'
'where the crap are you???'
fumble,fumble,fumble
clink,tap,bang

'there you are.'
'nguuuuhh'.

vision blurs as the back of my hand smudges yesterdays mascara.
or maybe the day before....
who gives a crap.

'Are you coming to school today?
Cos I don't know if I'm gonna bother sticking around if you're not.
I won't survive english without you :P.
You'll always be mine,
I love you, don't forget it.
Robbie'

'
Okay okay, so he gives a crap'.
sniffle,sniffle,cough

bleeuurrgghhh...

god i feel like crap.

Hey,
Pay no mind, I am in bed drowning in my own snot.
not pretty, even english is preferable to looking at me right now.
and hearing me, god.
even home group would be better.
just.
love you too,
Alice'


Smack, phone on desk.

beep,beep,beep
vnnn,vnnn,vnnnn

'ngguuuhhhhhhhhhh!!!!'

'feel better!
and you would never be worse than english.
its not possible'

you're sweet, but im still snotty.

nguuuhh...sleeeeeeppp.





hmmm, i love it when you play with my hair.
its so nice.
do I smell chicken and sweet corn soup?

hang on, what??

'hey beautiful'
'hello you healthy bastard'

'well, its nice to see you too!'
'no its not, I look awful. And I don't even need to see me to know that I look awful.'

'you look beautiful. as always.'
'don't give me that shit' but I can't help but smile.

'shut up snotty, and drink.'
'but that m'eans I have to sit up!'

'oh shush and be grateful. some poor chinese woman at the golden dragon slaved over reheating that for at least four and a half minutes'
'oh hardy har. mmm, tastes like at least five minutes, you're spoiling me'

'only the best for my girl'
I smile,and relax into you as you hand me a tissue.



wanna know something sad?
I got keep writing that for a ridiculously long time.

Just call me Rosie Greeneyes.

haven't you heard?

i have nothing to say.
but i love alice in wonderland.
if that helps.

at all.

and i should write some more...

some more of my story that is...

In other news, i love the prince of egypt.
Did you know that the voice of the pharoh rameses is the same guy who does voldemort.

i think this is hilarious, and i announced it to my vet class, who agreed.

and they have the same haircut.

XD

im just picturing moses shouting 'LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!' and rameses just says 'uh...no! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!'

and boom, no more passover feast for me, no more ridiculous amount of parsley, or horseradish. or grapejuice, which would be sad...

ah, grape juice.

good times.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

with their voice as soft as thunder

I would like to take this moment to proudly announced.

i am addicted to a silly little block shuffling computer game called
crack attack

i know right?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

when hope was high and life worth living

What a random day.
Spent this morning warming up and surprisingly not freaking out for solos, played said solo, listened to everyone elses. and they were awesome, by the way.
went to VOC (last lesson ever :D:D:D:D), went to maths and nearly bashed a hole in my desk with my forehead, bummed a ride to youth with my sisters friend. yay.

and then i totally did not spend the last two hours playing with necklace chains, smarties, charms, wool, thread, flour and a camera.

much fun, very much what I felt like.

and twas coupled with PS I love you, which is a great movie.
And I cannot possibly convey how glad I am that the movie voice over didn't end with 'Ps I love you' it (gladly) ended with 'PS, guess what?'
Which made my heart happy, because I was wincing on the inside thinking 'oh gosh here we go, cheesy voice over title mentioning ending'. and then it wasnt.
well, wasnt completely.

:)


Here is a sample of my random photos, i shall hopefully be putting them together in a slideshow or photostory of some kind for the faith love grace comp.
should be sweet.

ok scrap that. i will hopefully get it up later.
when i hop on a computer that has windows, or just adobe or irfanview as i now have those mixed up in my head.

and i accidentally opened picasa. now it wont close.

help me save me?

god im tired...