Thursday, March 26, 2009

talk to the mirror, oh choke back tears

I got a 62, for my solo.



Because I'm a perfectionist, a total perfectionist.
I expect the best of myself, all the time.
Which is probably a bad plan, but I can't really help it.
If I lowered my expectations, it wouldn't work.

Because deep down, I still expect the best.

I spoke to my teacher today, about the 62.
She said my performance was great, with the actual performing part.

Apparently my technique was not there and my song choice was crap.
The second part is easy to agree with, I already knew that, the first one was too repetitive and out of my comfort range and the second too hard.
The first bit.. not easy to swallow.
I know full well that I'm not one of those singers who can cruise through things.

My voice is not that good, I have to work for what I want, I've always known that and I've always been prepared to do it, but...

I can't remember ever doing that badly... its a 24 out of forty, in last years terms a 12.
I never get 12's.....

except this time...

Makes me seriously consider asking to play piano for my solos, because i know im playing at a pretty high grade and maybe I could do that better...

But then I wonder if that would just be piking, giving in.
And I never give in, not in music.
Maths, science, maybe.
In fact, often.

Never english, never sose,
never music.

And I don't know how well I can explain this, but getting a 62...
I poured my soul into those songs, I worked so hard...
It's like branding me with a big ugly
right in the middle of my forehead...

and seriously, 97?
well done, I'm incredibly jealous...


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