I am hereby taking a break from the blogosphere.
I don't know how long for, but until I can get myself sorted out, I'm going old school pen and paper private journal.
But before I do, I have something to say to a few people.
Did you really think that it bounced off of me?
Did you really think I was so deluded that it would have no effect whatsoever when you totally shredded me?
Did it not occur to you that maybe I was hiding, like I have been for a while now.
Cos let me tell you something.
This last week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life.
Wanna know why?
Because I realised that I don't know who I am anymore and it's costing me friendships.
I felt like my only options were pretend I was perfectly ok, or withdraw all the way into myself and never come back out.
And as the list of scars grew longer, so did the 'pros' list for the latter.
But I told myself I wouldn't be that girl, I wouldn't let myself fall into that hole.
So I was left with option A, pretend everything is fine. And hasn't that been a riotous success.
Only one person has actually offered help and I'm damn well gonna accept it.
So now (no thanks to most of you) there is a third option.
Sift through this mess of my fake bullshit with a true friend who loves me enough to tell me in person that she wants to help and that I've gone down a bad road.
Making sure that the phrases 'I really want to help' and 'We all still love you' and 'of course I still love you, your my little Louise!' were louder than 'you're annoying and you talk too much'
So goodbye for a while I'm out to learn more
about who I really was before...
PS you other two who didnt confront me about it at all, but continued to tolerate me and make me feel accepted when Im with you, that was just as golden, so thanks. You will never be 'most people'.