It's been a weird day.
Quite weird really.
I realised at 10:30 tonight, that it is the 14th.
Thats very significant to me, because my Pa died four years ago today.
Which is really, really weird, in all honesty.
I wouldnt say I'm particularly torn up about it.
Which i really don't want you to take wrongly.
I loved him, don't get me wrong, loved him so much.
And I do miss him, really I do
It's just...its not so raw anymore.
A youth group I go to every friday night is held at Aberfoyle Park Uniting.
In a big auditorium thingy, I love it there.
The weird thing about it is that my first experience of that hall was my Pa's funeral.
For the first few weeks of my attending XS, I couldn't get past it.
Everytime I walked down the stairs, across the car park. I could see the hearse.
Feel myself walking after it, wanting to run after it as it drove away taking my Pa from me.
Then after a while, I guess I thought about it less and less.
And now its a different place.
It's not just where I stutteringly read out a bible verse at his funeral, its where I met one of the best friends I've got, and got to chill out with some more of them.
It's where I've met god again and again, where he continues to meet me every friday night.
Saying that, I'd like to point out that God could meet me every day, but perhaps at XS I expect it, and I invite it more than on normal days...
I think I have too much of a sundaymorning/fridaynight god mentality. I believe that god is with me at all times, but I don't acknowledge him very often, or chat with him as much as I should.
I think that I think of it too much as having to set aside a little time each week, when he should have all of it, he should be in and around all of it.
Something to think on for me...
It has also been weird because I can't decide if I'm excited or scared to be leaving soon...
in a week ill be in singapore and tomorrow ill be able to count the days on one hand. When we started this thing, id need to take off both shoes to count the MONTHS!
It's madness, utter madness.
So yeah, thats where I'm at tonight, contemplative, confused, missing my Pa but not rawly and also very tired.
My eyes are getting droopy, tis bedtime.
The Shade In The Night
4 weeks ago