Tuesday, November 18, 2008

a formless blob of thought

'i suppose if i were to describe it...
its as if i've knocked on the door of your house and someone else has answered
and then suddenly everyone turns into a faceless, formless blob and your house implodes
and as i run out onto the street the ground dissintegrates beneath my feet and my reality disolves and suddenly i'm floating through space
thats what it feels like to read you at your worst'

A wonderful friend just said that to me, via msn. and i was like '...wow'
I think what he meant was sometimes I am not who he thinks I am, not who he would like to think I am. Which is not to say he doesn't like me, it's to say that he doesn't like admitting i am not always ok.

Which is very like him, because he hates it when people are sad, so he hates knowing that I have a hard time sometimes. Which is really sweet. Ok rephrase, he hates that I have a hard time, I think he would hate it more with not knowing.

On reading more bloggage of my good friends, I have reached a concrete conclusion.
We all think too much, far too much.
Stop it all of you! :P
I don't know if it comes with the age and then goes away, or if we have to put up with this forever, but it is strange.
I can't decide if I like it or not.

I like being a thoughtful person, and I like being seen as a thoughtful person. A thoughtful, bookish, iced-tea-drinking-reading-a-book-in-an-organic-cafe-in-stirling, alternative, protester, hippyish, busker, poet, very-strong-coffee-at-three-in-the-morning-so-i-can-stay-awake-to-write-my-highly-intense-prosetry type of person.
That is my ideal image for myself.

Which is exactly why I decided against being a vegetarian. Which sounds silly. I realised that I was being selfish and being silly, that I wasn't actually doing it for the environment, I was doing it so that I could be seen as someone who was giving up something big for something bigger.

Which was self centred of me, so now, instead of giving up meat for environmental image, I am giving up vegetarianism and its gloriously alternative image for not being a liar and a self centred image centred jerk.

EDIT: which, on reflection, is giving something up for something bigger, yay! Its just more difficult to explain then vegetarianism lol.

I really am weird aren't I lol

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