what an odd day it has been.
The morning was reeeaaaaalllllly long, with watching year 11 solos in the morning (which, though interesting, do tend to drag, no offense to those playing, you were wonderful and Im jealous) and then a maths exam, which was always going to feel long.
I dont think I epic failed though, which is great :)
Also, the trip is tomorrow, well, build up day is tomorrow. It has sort of snuck up on me, after all that counting down, I went and I focussed really hard on my exams and now all of a sudden, its wednesday the ninteen and tomorrow is thursday the twentieth and its like.......its madness.
Another thing contributing to the weird way this has all come together is stretch...
I shall miss him so, this afternoon was the very last of many lasts and the party finished without me and I got told to lay off, in the kind of whisper that means 'seriously, enough.' I didn't say anything mean, but melon was tired and I always seem far too eager to speak to people, to just stand in a group and be there and at least feel included, even if I don't know whats going on.
And I nearly cried, but I didn't. And it all flooded in at once in a slow sludgy ooze of memory and regret and loneliness and
I really need to get out of this stupid country :P
I can always tell when he's bullshitting, it amuses me. He has gotten betterish, not entirely, but what is much more betterer is that when he apologises I can see that he realises he has said something unecesary, and that he should be careful cos you never know when today is a wednesday or a monday or a thursday morning...
I'm thinking 'bout the times I know
I should have taken photographs..
And what I fear, is that all of these things I hold dear
never become more than vibrations in air...
very true mr pyke, very true.
He is a good man that mr pyke, i love it when he says
'try not to be careless or jealous with hearts and try not to think of the end from the start'
perhaps I should try harder...
I am wondering if bringing all this stuff out to air so often, with the blogging will make me feel better or worse.
better for letting it go more often, worse for thinking about it and looking at stains and scars so much more...
I think I think too much, we all do.
what an odd post to go out with...
chances are i will write again before tomorrow morning anyway :)
The Holding Of One's Breath
9 hours ago