Thursday, May 27, 2010

Only then will you belong with me...

It's happened again.

She's nominated me for another community service award thing.
And I really, REALLY do not want this to be a 'zohemgee look at me and all my award nominations', because I don't feel like I deserve it, at all. And no, this is not a not-very-subtle plea for you to tell me how good I am. 

I just...far out. This is the email she sent me... 
1.       Outstanding Citizenship; assisting groups in need.
2.        Initiative and concern demonstrated for the advancement or well-being of others.
3.       Production of significant benefits for members of the school/general community
4.       Leadership and influence of peers by example
5.       Demonstration of skills in organization, management and communication
6.       Demonstrated pride in Australian citizenship.

Even a couple years back, before school got so bonkers, and she nominated me for that Onkaparinga Youth award thing... I felt like a hypocrite then and I feel much worse now. 

Because honestly, I had the chance to be a part of the leadership of our schools vision generation, turned it down. Had a chance to be a part of the leadership of my own youth group, and now I'm considering bailing on it all together. 

I mean, I go to school, I sit through year twelve management pretty much refusing to commit to actually doing anything. I drag myself out of bed, shovel down some breakfast, try to stay awake and semi-productive and attention paying in school for the day, try not to kill anyone in choir, go home, try to stay awake and productive again, then go to bed too late. 

Repeat until Sunday. Sunday get up and sing at church, or just go. Go home and try to be productive again. Oh, and sometimes I umpire, but I get paid, so it doesn't count. that is it!!

I feel like I'm being made into a hypocrite...
What did I do to make myself look like I do things? Because I just.... I don't know how to tell her that I'm not who she thinks I am...

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