Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm not sayin' it was your fault, although you could have done more

I still dream about you.
Embarassingly often.
Like seriously, if you ever find out how much you're on my mind, or in my dreams...
Well I'm screwed, because you'll be too weirded out to speak to me ever again, and I'll just get worse.
I had a dream within a dream, about English being horrible.
Woke up from the dream within the dream, had a whinge to Shaz and Catherine, they were coming over for some reason. As we walked through the house I discovered it was full of people, from all of my different little circles.
School friends, Church friends, Old work mates, a couple of my favourite netball girls, some family and of course, the old family friends. You. Well you and your brother and your best friend.

You were cooking something, you were wearing oven mits and standing in the kitchen. Your brother and best friends were sitting around on the benches, demanding that you make them a sandwich.

You laughed, put down whatever it was (bits of oven maybe?) and looked up and saw me.
And you were... well happy to see me. I got me a massive hug from you and your brother, and other people from my life started popping up.
Two from separate circles appeared to be suddenly a couple, which was very weird, but overall it was just awesome fun.

And even though it was your face only in a sea of others that I adore so much, I only remembered the dream and made myself remember because you were there.

And I miss you.
And you don't reply to anything.

And you will never be who I imagined you to be, but part of me still doesn't know that.

And I wonder if I will ever stop dreaming of you.



  1. your words are so beautiful, yet so sad. i felt like crying reading this. i feel your pain babe. the things you hate most because they hurt, yet you want most because you miss them so much that it hurts even more.
    i love you miss louise. x

  2. Naww, thanks dearest, don't cry!
    And definitely, but I will get past it. As long as I can have normal weird dreams tonight, or just forget them lol.
    I love you too miss rachie xoxox <3

  3. I like this post. Everything about it. Like Rachie said, it's beautiful but also sad. It just, speaks to me.