I love that you remember how I love that.
That's cool, that is.
I like being remembered...
And I like being missed, which is dumb. Because I care about the people who (at least say) they miss me and i shouldn't get joy out of their sadness, neither should they get smiles from my many midnight missing you all at once tears.
'I missed you when you went away but even more when you came back changed.'
I hate that I'm a liar.
I hate that even today, as I confessed my lyingness to my mentor, I did it again. Smally, but I did. Because I don't want to admit the real lie. It's not a big deal, but it's connected with laziness and procrastination and olsen twin screwups. Olsen octuplet screwups.
I'm sorry that I get so touchy when you tell me I need to pull my finger out and do some work in the weeks before due dates, rather than the 24-40 hours.
I know you're right, which is why I hate it.
Little Miss Conviction's only friend is Mr Mistake. They go hand in hand to all the fabulous parties but no-one wants them there. They don't mind Mr Mistake by himself, but when Little Miss Conviction comes along for the ride, her hat is so sparkly they can't ignore her, or her Mr.
Little Miss Conviction and Mr Mistake, hated soley/souly for their existance. (sorry that I borrowed your trick, but I saw the opportunity and couldn't help myself, you can have the credit for it).
Having Austen shoved down my throat. A silly thing to say actually,because I volunteered. Because I want to be a part of it. I want to shove my annoying way into one of those oh-so-exclusive things of yours.
DAMN THIS DESPERATE NEED FOR INCLUSION.
I was sitting around a campfire with my drunken father and uncle and my dad (who was only barely half drunk) made some comment about me being an independent soul.
At the time, I smiled. I think it's a good thing...I think I think it's a good thing (I think I can I think I can) but I've been thinking on it lately.
What if I don't want to be?
Thing is, I do.
But I want to be an independent soul with other friendly independent souls.
Or I want at least for the two of you to be equally as independent from each other as you are from me.
Please don't interpret that as a demand, or as anger.
It's neither, but paranoia has a friggin long half-life...
<3gliTter
growingmoreaffectionateforyoueveryday
growingmoreintriguedbyyoureccentricites
hopingyoudontthinkthatlastbitistrivialisng
hopingformalhappensbecauseiwantthatdance
iwantthatmemory,iwantthelaugh
ivegotanotherwifetoo ;) hehe
sorryforthehacky
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'Having Austen shoved down my throat. A silly thing to say actually,because I volunteered. Because I want to be a part of it. I want to shove my annoying way into one of those oh-so-exclusive things of yours.'
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, but it's hardly 'oh-so-exclusive'. Maybe paranoia taints the mind but this should be obvious at the very least. It's a blog, open for anyone to join, and for starters me and Leisha weren't the 'founders'. Her and Shadi were. They invited me, they invited Kelsey, we've all invited Jacqui and we've also invited you, not that anyone needed an invitation. You said you were determined to read Austen? We said, 'great! We're deetermined to make you read it! Join our blog club!' We didn't speak in exclusive twin speak or stare you down or mutter or whatever the hell. Dear lord it's a fucking BLOG, not a secret society. Dammit, we're not "exclusive", nobody else feels that except you and I don't know why the hell you think that. We're best friends and we have nearly all our classes together. Is that it? Well in that case I apologise for not choosing all the same classes as you and for having best friends. Fuck I am pisses off, I'm sorry if I'm coming off mean, but you have to realise that paranoia is taxing to more than just you and wears thin, real thin.