Monday, July 20, 2009

but Lord! We didn't know what size you wear!

Keith Green.
Heavy stuff.
The title seems trivial, but oh my gosh.
The lord will seperate them into the sheep and the goats. and to the goats he shall say
'...I was in hospital, racked in pain upon my bed and I begged and prayed and pleaded that you'd come but you didn't ...I was in prison. AND I ROTTED THERE! I read your magazines and heard you radio programmes and I prayed so desperately that you would come, but you never did.'
'LORD, there must be some mistake!' 'I mean, when were you hungry, and we didn't give you something to eat? LORD, when were you thirsty and we didn't give you a drink? I mean, thats not fair! Do you want something now? One of the angels wanna go out and get the LORD a hamburger and a coke? Oh, you're not hungry...I lost my appetite too'
'Lord, when were you a stranger? You weren't one of those creepy people who came to the door were you? That just wasn't our ministry, we just didn't feel led you know!'
'When were you sick LORD? I mean what did you have anyway? At least it wasn't fatal...oh, it was? but LORD, I would have sent you a card!'

Keith Green.
It's challenging, sometimes its funny, it's very well played and in short, its incredible.
Get into it.

He woke my sleepy spirit and last night, I prayed the devil away from me.
I told him to take his doubt and numbness and fear and insecurities and inaction and poison and shove it where the sun doesn't shine, where he belongs.

And today, today I feel awake.
Physically I'm still tired, but my soul feels awake again.

I made a big list of all my sins. Laziness, gossip, doubt, undiscipline, the list goes on and on for 3 and a half pages of my journal. I wrote them all out and admitted and repented them all. I sat there in my bed and pictured the cross and I finally felt free again.

I told him again and again and again that my God loves me. That he can't condemn me any longer, I'm not his puppet anymore.

So if you're one of the many people affected by my stuff ups, If I've annoyed you, brushed you off, lied to you, talked about you behind your back, been unhelpful, been bitter and deconstructive. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me, I was self centred and thoughtless and heartless, devoid of love.

And I'll be making specific apologies, so don't freak out and think I've lied to you or bitched about you, none of the people who read this blog come under that heading, so please don't worry about that. But one of our group has already been brave enough to come out with what needed to be said, its my turn now.

Toward this beautiful girl, I acted inexcusably. She doesn't even know, but I did all she saved me from, less than six months ago.
All that I suffered I inflicted.
This is probably one of the things I'm most sorry about.
Please forgive me...I don't deserve it, but I was so incredibly wrong to do what I did and say what I said, when I've been there myself such a short time ago.
And even today, she gave me exactly what I needed. A big, long, friendly hug. And a huge smile.
A thousand times more than I deserve...



  1. Comment comment comment.

    Excuse my commenting, I know it leaves a lot to be desired but I am bad at commenting especially when I could say stuff to you more directly considering we are talking on msn. Yeaahh.

    I like aeroplane jelly but actually I don't.

  2. I kinda agree with Lauren. Here's my comment: 'COMMENT!' Wonderful, isn't it? I'm not terribly great at commenting either when I have noting specific to say. Now I'm wondering why i was coming up with things starting with L...

    Llama, lighthouse, lolly, liar, lemon, list, lake, lamp, lipstick...

  3. I should probably add that you are insanely brave for admitting all of this.

    /bows down

    <3 you :D

  4. Does anyone else think aeroplane jelly tastes like wobbly shit or is it just me?